With the growing alert of both labor and sexual abuse, many times people are not aware or don’t have very well identified those behaviors or patterns that configure the modus operandi of individuals that are sometimes imposed through “power” relations in subtle ways, but with aggressive tendencies. For this reason, it is necessary that we learn to identify these people and take the pertinent actions to defend ourselves against them and teach others to do so as well. In today’s blog, I will give you clues to identify an abuser.
So, let’s start by defining the word abuser. According to the dictionary of the RAE, the abuser is a person who takes advantage of his situation of superiority to the detriment of others, who annoys, persecutes, harasses or torments persistently. It is an individual who harasses, physically, psychologically, or through the use of technologies, either through the internet or telephone.
Without the intention of wanting to alarm, any person, however unusual it may seem, can be an abuser … they come from all social groups, different cultures, different religions; It could be your neighbor, your spiritual leader, a relative, a co-worker, anyone … The NCADV The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) ‘website mentions that it is very important to keep in mind the fact that a large number of Abusers are only violent in private spaces with their current and past intimate partners.
One research mentions that 90% of abusers don’t have criminal records and that they generally respect the law outside of their homes. Another element to keep in mind is that the abuser often wins the victim’s trust and no matter how long it takes.
What traits do abusers have in common?
There is no typical, detectable personality of an abuser. However, they often show characteristics such as denying the existence of violence or minimizing its severity and its effect on the victim and others affected.
Here are some common traits:
1. An abuser looks at his victims as simple into simple objects or things and often views them as his property or sexual objects.
2. An abuser has low self-esteem and feels powerless and ineffective in the world. He or she may seem successful, but internally failure is the idea around their heads.
3. Abusers externalize the causes of their behavior, blame external factors such as stress, people’s behavior of people in their environment for their violent attitude, often hide behind the fact that they had a “bad day” or that they consumed more alcohol or other substances.
4. The abuser often blames others for their out-of-control reactions with words such as “you provoke me”, “you drive me crazy”.
5. An abuser is often someone nice and very kind between periods of violence and is often seen as a “good person, or charming” to others, that means, those who have not suffered the consequences of their actions.
6. Abusers look for people who like to be or feel like victims.
7. Abusers know how to confuse their victims by making them believe that their reaction is their fault or they emotionally blackmail them by asking for many opportunities and promising change … that won’t happen.
If you felt that this blog describes someone very close in your social circle and is affecting you either directly or indirectly, it is time for you to start taking action on the matter. Visit me on my website https://rociolifecoach.com/contact/ and allow me to guide you on this issue and begin to explore new horizons towards your personal well-being.