Perhaps the best gift you can give yourself this year is to free yourself from the abusive habits that you have fallen into. Here we give you some clues to identify if you are living in this situation and how to get out of it.
In this blog we will talk about abuse habits, so that you find out if you are living any relationship with these characteristics and 6 tips that will help you get out and get used to living in abuse.
Let’s start by confirming that healthy relationships require respect, trust, and consideration for the other person. Sadly, some relationships can turn damaging. People who are part of these relationships sometimes confuse abuse with intense feelings of concern and care. These attitudes can even seem flattering. Let’s think about this friend whose boyfriend is very jealous, perhaps it may seem that her partner is a very considerate person and that she likes to be aware of everything, absolutely everything she does, but, in reality, the controlling behavior and the excessive jealousy is not a sign of affection at all but of control. The problem is when we get used to this and make it a habit within the relationship. That is, something so repetitive that it becomes unconscious.
In a healthy love relationship, there is no reason to always be worried about the possible end of the relationship and it is important to talk about it with the couple and not try to control their behavior or be controlled. In a healthy relationship, you can be and express yourself without fear.
On the other hand, people who suffer from abuse need a person who listens to them and believes them because in general they tend to think that what is happening to them is normal or that it is their fault, that they “asked for it”, or that they do not deserve nothing better, but abuse is never “deserved.”
There can be many things on the mind of an abuser; maybe something went wrong in their childhood. Or maybe they are reproducing macho stereotypes of a violent and authoritarian father. What is clear is that their behavior is pathological and they need psychological help, but the priority is to guarantee the rights and well-being of their victims.
On the other hand, if we analyze our culture, there are certain clichés about the social roles of men and women that stimulate abuse; the masculine is identified with success, strength, with the right to decide and even to overprotect what is his … as his partner. A clear example of this, is in a restaurant if a couple asks for a beer and juice, the waiter presumes that the alcoholic drink is for the man and the other for the woman. The same thing happens with the account, the payment receipt will be given to the man assuming that he must pay.
Abusers are generally overprotective, they see the woman as something of their own, fragile and delicate that is kept at home.
However, times continue changing and being a doll or a princess is not something flattering, but a discreet humiliation that places the feminine condition in a lower condition, as an object that is owned, controlled and limited.
TIPS TO IDENTIFY IF YOU ARE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP:
Fill out the following test to identify if you are in an abusive relationship … be careful if you fill in more than three of the following boxes.
|1. Hurts you physically, verbally, or emotionally in any way.||00|
|2. Control your phone and have access to your accounts and applications|
|3. He humiliates you frequently and makes you feel that you are unworthy or you don’t deserve nothing better|
|4. He threatens to hurt you or himself if you end the relationship or if you take action.|
|5. Change the truth to make you feel guilty for your actions|
|6. Demand to know where you are at all times|
|7. Gets constantly jealous or angry when you want to spend time with your friends or family||00|
|8. Control your money or family money by limiting and deciding your expenses|
|9. It scares you to think of doing something that might make him angry.|
|10.It forces you to have sexual relations, even if you don’t want to|
TIPS THAT WILL HELP YOU GET OUT OF THESE ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS
If you love someone but are often afraid, it is time to cut that relationship as soon as possible, you deserve to be treated with respect and you can get help.
1. If you filled in several boxes in the test, it is time for you to begin to recognize your reality and take action.
2. Make sure you are safe; a trusted friend or adult can help you.
3. If the person physically assaulted you, don’t wait for medical attention to call the police. Assault is illegal, as is rape, even if the perpetrator is the person you are dating.
4. Avoid isolating yourself from your friends and family, you may think that it is normal, that you justify it by saying “it is that he is like that”, but it is your family or friends who can help you open your eyes. Do not be ashamed of what happens, this is where you need help, counselors, doctors, teachers, coaches and friends will want to help you. Let them do it.
5. It is important that you understand that asking for help is not a sign of weakness. On the contrary, you show your courage and that you are willing to defend and put a stop to the abuse. To get out of this you need help, your friends and family who appreciate and care about you can help you overcome it.
6. Look for psychological help. This will also help you to get out of that cycle of abuse, especially if you still love the person who hurt you or causes you guilt to break up the relationship.
7. Avoid blaming yourself.
8. If you get over the situation, avoid contact with the aggressor, keep in mind that you are emotionally vulnerable so he will take advantage of the situation to turn the scene around.
If you are going through a situation like this, do not hesitate to contact me through my website https://www.rociolifecoach.com/ and I will gladly help you.
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