Our culture has taught us that we must give our lives for others and help and give pleasure, however they did not show us the dark side of this trend and in this blog we are going to tell you about them
Since we were little, women especially have been taught the importance of obeying and especially pleasing adults. Actions such as forcing ourselves to say hello, giving hugs and kisses to people we did not know, among many others, taught us that what was important and valued was not what we were feeling at that moment and even less, what we wanted to do, but to please the person who wanted to grab our cheeks or kiss us.
This and many of the mistakes that they made with us in our childhood and that we made with our children surely led us not to know how to differentiate between what we want for pleasure and / or pleasure, leading to the point of feeling guilty if we do it and what they do. others want. Rather, we learned that pleasure must come from always pleasing others, our family, co-workers, friends, and what is worse, strangers. It is true that there are certain rules of conduct, coexistence and courtesy, but these do not say that we have to put the needs, concerns and tastes of others above our own.
And we invent the way to maintain control over others and from them over us to maintain the machine to please others and this is The Criticism.
Our biggest problem is not criticizing or talking about others, but we allow ourselves to express our opinion or speak with all authority about others and their decisions as if we were experts, divorce, parenting, in relationships and relationships. in short, in everything that corresponds to others … not to us … there if not.
In the end what we do is try to give pleasure so that at least we are criticized more “Pasito”, as if that were possible. NO, it is not possible, criticism is critical and is a control mechanism, so if you spend your life trying to please everyone, you already started this game losing, because there is no way that this happens, in the end you always go to remain in debt.
Maybe; It is time for you to start doing what you want and leave the fear of what they will say.
If you want to live full of fatigue, frustrated and exhausted from day to day, the infallible recipe is to please others, solve everyone’s problems, try to please each of the people you meet and leave your things. for later. With this recipe you will see your days go by without realizing you and what really matters, which are your priorities.
Entering the spiral of guilt for not satisfying the other is extremely easy. And we do not need help, because immediately the other is going to remind us that we have to feel miserable.
I know the case of a girl who lives with her partner and her son, and like many women, she is the head of the family. Her husband works and so does she, but once talking to her she told me that she wanted to help everyone and she felt a huge responsibility to solve all their things for them, no matter how small, and this had her exhausted. She felt that no matter how much she did so many things during the day, the time was not enough for her and at the end of the day she realized that the things she still needed to do and solve were her own, because during the dayThe worst thing is that we know that in the end always instead of thanks she received criticism for the most surprising reasons and that she least expected. After this we met again and talked about the same issue to which she replied that after one of our conversations she realized that she could not be the one to solve everything for others, so she began to take a different attitude in these cases, as well as their home, family and even friends. Now she looks much better and calmer.
It is possible and necessary to strengthen that own place while still being kind and loving to others. Building a much stronger and more favorable individual position is a priority in order to have a balanced relationship and a healthy relationship with your children. Here are some tips for you to put into practice if you are going through this situation:
1. Identify which are the situations in which we are more likely to please others and start to make a turn and self-manage our behavior so as not to continue doing it.
2. Pay attention to those actions of our day to day that require our presence and attention and focus more on them.
3. Learn to say no, internally and externally. Internally self-controlling every time we want to please someone and externally manifesting NO, clearly and without fear. It is worth expressing yourself, even if it costs and others dislike it.
4. Think of you. Think of yourself and place yourself as a priority above others, even with a feeling of guilt. Over time you will learn that they will value you more to the extent that you know how to value yourself.
“Saying NO is also an answer and we have to learn to construct it as a possibility”
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