For many couples it is normal to be constantly arguing and it is common to hear phrases such as, “he/she makes me so angry” or, “I can’t stand him/her” or “he/she just drives me out of my mind” and when we are already there, we are filled with an anger that, in many cases, blinds us and we dream of leaving the relationship.
So what do we do?
First, it is necessary to understand that anger is an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to leading on intense rage in which you want to hurt the other person, either physically or emotionally. And like all emotions, it is accompanied by psychological and biological effects. For example, when we get angry, our heart rate and blood pressure increase, the same happens with our level of hormones, adrenaline and norepinephrine (a hormone in the nervous system that increases blood pressure and heart rate).
When we feel anger or rage, we feel hopeless and betrayed. We feel that things are bigger than us, it manages to control us and we cannot do anything, we feel powerless and we want the other person to feel a little or all of what we are feeling.
Some people get more excited than others, getting angry more easily than the average person. There are those who do not show their anger by yelling, but are irritable and moody and seek more subtle ways to express their annoyance. People who get angry easily do not always react aggressively by calling names or throwing things, but instead become socially withdrawn, bitter or ill. Research has shown that anger plays a very important role in the inflammation processes of our organs. Inflammation is the protective physiological response to aggression.
Getting angry can be healthy, especially because it allows us to express and let this emotion out, but we have to learn to do it in a healthy way. Annoyance shows that we are capable of reacting to injustices, that we have the ability to defend our rights, the problem is when we cannot control it.
Anger or aggressiveness usually appears in situations that we perceive as threatening. Therefore, anger is based on feelings such as fear, distress, frustration, and even tiredness.
How to control anger with your children
Raising children is undoubtedly one of the greatest challenges that life gives us because, in fact, no one prepares us for it, no one tells us how to control the anger of both our children and ourselves.
When you have an anger fit you should never act on it, in such a state it is almost impossible to think clearly. Even if you need to do it to “teach your child a lesson,” show them that it is possible to control yourself. It is anger that makes you think in this aggressive way and it is not a lesson that you will transmit but surely a bad moment that they will not forget.
Do not yell or mistreat your children and if what you want is to educate them, look for ways to control yourself, go for a walk or your car, breathe or shout all you want with the windows closed, or go and lock yourself in a room where no one hears you and shout, try not to use words because what you’ll achieve is to make yourself more angry, just scream. If you learn to control your anger, in addition to doing your mental health a favor, you will be setting a good example for your children. You can also use these 8 techniques to control your anger with them.
1. Set limits before you get completely angry.
2. Think about why your child does that, or to what end.
3. Calm down before you act.
4. Get out of the place.
5. Distinguish between the prohibited and the negotiable.
6. Remember when you were a kid.
7. Control your words and any type of physical aggression.
8. Find the best time to talk about it.
How to control anger with your partner
When you feel very angry, you lose all conscious control of your reactions in the moment and if anger takes hold of you, you can hurt your partner. Couple arguments are normal without going beyond the limits that any human being does, however, there are many reasons why anger can build up in you and cause the situation to get out of control.
For anger not to affect or end your relationship, you have to be quite patient with yourself, it can be a complex process and you need a lot of willpower and even emotional support, and in that case, you know that you can count on us.
Here we suggest
7 TECHNIQUES TO CONTROL ANGER WITH YOUR PARTNER
1. Identify the problem
2. Think of possible solutions
3. Think positive things
4. Cool your mind
5. Give yourself some time to process your thoughts, think about the end result you want
6. Consider the consequences
7. Speak sincerely
If you feel that your anger is totally out of control and is affecting your personal, work or family relationships, do not hesitate to contact me https://www.rociolifecoach.com/