How many of you have found out, after a few months of being in your relationship with your partner, that the person you are with is violent?
The worst thing is that our fears lead us to the second step, which is to start excusing their aggressive attitudes, for not wanting to hurt them, because at that moment we already know more and more about their history and perhaps we have learned that in their childhood they suffered from abuse and aggressiveness and therefore we justify that they attack us and be violent towards us. What do you think about this?
Unfortunately this is the beginning of a painful journey, not only for you, but for those around you, your children, siblings and family.
When a person is violent, they uncover themselves and become dangerous, in the face of triggers of external environmental factors that remind them of their childhood or youth, in which they surely suffered episodes of contempt, abuse, mistreatment and even in an extreme cases, rape.
There are several theories to understand the origin of violence. Aggressive behavior can be the reaction to a threat, it is the way a person has to respond when they feel threatened. If we didn’t have this aggressive, adrenaline-fueled reaction, we wouldn’t be able to biologically respond to real danger. So it is necessary and we all have that behavior in us.
However, it becomes a problem when we make things that are not a threat into one, such as that your partner does not cook as you want, or that you do not like the way the driver in front of you drives, or that they check your phone because they mistrust you. However, be careful, you may be the one who is experiencing this situation.
Aggressive behavior is a way of responding to the environment, whether there is a threat or not. Much of this comes from childhood, as many people learn at home that the way to obey is with yelling, a slap or a punishment. Being authoritarian has many benefits, such as getting a quick response from both your children and your employees, if you have staff in charge. But in the end all this only generates fear, resistance, frustration, and with this, only power is imposed.
When you submit yourself to this tense environment and permanent fear, your self-esteem begins to deteriorate and you begin to involuntarily enter the space of submission. A violent and aggressive person lives in a comfort zone with someone who endures their contempt and abuse as an unconscious way of expressing their frustration and letting out their anger.
In the same way, people who seek violent partners are so trained to abuse that they cannot imagine a life without abuse, either because they have no other options or because they do not have the personal resources to run away as they would like. In the end they have to heal their past so as not to relapse into similar relationships.
Something you have to know is that when you show a violent attitude in the framework of an argument, you lose your power and lose your reason, even if you have it, and if you do not know how to control your anger, it will be difficult for you to function in the workplace and your personal relationships will also suffer. Sometimes we are not aware that our attitude is aggressive until someone warns us about it.
Even your health and that of the people around you can be affected by these types of behaviors.
Next, we will introduce you to some key behaviors to identify a violent person:
1. They interrupt you or speak very loudly and do not let you speak.
2. Does not accept your point of view and superimpose themselves..
3. You often feel like they’re invading your personal space.
4. Interaction with that person usually causes you tension.
5. You feel emotionally drained and without energy after interacting with them.
6. They are impulsive.
7. They use obscene language.
8. They are possessive.
9. They do not know how to apologize, they are resentful.
10. They are discriminatory.
11. Psychological abuse.
12. Constant mood swings.
Now, we already talked about how to identify a violent person, we are going to leave you 7 keys to avoid the aggressive pattern:
1. Keep calm and take a deep breath.
2. Think before you speak or act.
3. Work your empathy.
4. Control the tone of your voice, be assertive and respectful.
5. Think about what is necessary to say and what is not.
6. Learn to release anger in a moderate way.
Seek help to overcome those things that lead you to revisit the pain of your past. If you are the one who lives as a victim, find a way to work on your self-esteem and get out of that relationship. Remember, you cannot change or heal the other person, but you can save yourself.
Remember, if you are going through a situation like this or you know someone who is experiencing it, do not hesitate to contact me through https://www.rociolifecoach.com/