Does it happen to you that you easily get frustrated and you stay like that for a long time?
Often, we can see that many people around us live frustrated because things do not turn out how they expected. Daniel Goleman, creator the emotional intelligence concept, considers that the ability to handle frustration is one of the most important to achieve success. “It’s much more important than having an endless amount of special talents!”, Says Goleman.
Frustration flourishes at any time or scenario, like at home, at work, or maybe during a strong discussion between a friend or family member. But no matter where this emotion comes from, holding on to it for long is not a good idea.
Let us remember that life is not perfect or even controllable, it is full of situations and outcomes that are far from our expectations and can easily generate us a chain of frustrations which is necessary to learn how to resolve.
Part of our growth implies developing tolerance to frustration and when we do not achieve this and grow with a low tolerance to it, we will have to face a lot of suffering.
When things don’t come out as we expected we have two options: accept and carry on, finding lessons in the reasons why it didn’t turn out as we expected, or we can get stuck in the negative and take the role of victims.
Changing what happened is no longer an option, but you can choose the path that favors you the most. Remember, stiffness brings nuisance, and flexibility brings opportunities.
Frustration is not a pleasant feeling, but it is not unbearable. We must change our attitude and way of thinking to learn that those small “failures” can help us be stronger and empowered in the face of similar situations, and in this way, retake a positive sensation quicker.
Tolerance to frustration is developed during childhood
During childhood we have not developed completely our cognitive abilities which leads us to be impatient and impulsive. Generally, when children want something, they want it right away. Before refusal, they will react with crying, bad temper, and tantrums. Teaching them early on to wait and to tolerate frustration is one of the most difficult tasks for parents however, it is completely necessary. We cannot always have it our way and this should not be a reason to suffer.
When parents, in their eagerness to protect their children, please them in everything so they don’t “suffer” during their childhood, they are depriving the development of this ability which they will need for the rest of their lives.
Low tolerance to frustration
People with low tolerance to frustration have an excessive sensitivity to everything that displeases them. They do not tolerate discomfort, setbacks, or problems. These people usually present states of stress, bad temper, anxiety, sadness, and resentment. They tend to take on the role of victims and blame others for everything bad that happens to them.
It is usual for people that suffer low tolerance to frustration, to give up before they reach their goals or lack entrepreneurship, because, just the thought of failing creates anxiety, so they prefer to play it safe and set aside their projects and dreams.
9 behaviors of people with low tolerance to frustration
1. Difficulty to control emotions
2. Impulsive, impatient, and demanding
3. They look to satisfy their needs immediately, if not successful, they will respond with tantrums or extreme sadness
4. They develop more easily anxiety and depression
5. They think that everything spins around them, it is difficult for them to understand why not everything turns out how they wanted
6. Very low flexibility and adaptability
7. Radical thinking. Its white or black, there is no in between
8. Easily unmotivated
9. Emotional blackmailing
How can you work on low tolerance to frustration? Here are 4 steps you can practice
1. Stop trying to control everything, do not try to predict every event in your life. The need to control takes peace away.
2. Establish realistic expectations. When generating expectations, try to adopt an ample perspective that takes in to account reality and not just your ideals.
3. Be flexible. Comprehend that circumstances are ever changing and adapting to the changes is necessary.
4. Lastly, in the face of setbacks, accept and trust. Low tolerance to frustration hides insecurity. Believe in yourself, in your capacity to deal with emotional discomfort and to progress, trust the process.
Embrace that failure is possible and try again. Failure is natural in every project. Keep in mind that every time you try again you will improve until you achieve your goal, so do not give up and make failure your friend.